Dumb White Husband vs. The Grocery Store Read online

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  It wasn’t until he was outside the store that John realized he was still wearing his collegiate sweatshirt. He pumped his fist in celebration and accidentally struck his elbow on the minivan’s armrest, hurting himself only a little.

  Nursing his elbow and stepping from the car, he checked his watch. All the dressing appropriately nonsense and the drive had taken him 15 minutes. If he moved fast he could still catch up to live TV. Several of his friends would call him when the game was over to talk smack. If he didn’t know the outcome when the game was over, he would know it only minutes later.

  The sliding doors open as if just for him and he stepped into the grocery store with the list playing over and over in his head: lemons, tomatoes, chicken breast and pasta, lemons, tomatoes, chicken breast and pasta, lemons, tomatoes, chicken breast and pasta.

  Focus. Focus. Focus.

  Sweepstakes!

  Right inside the door was a giant lobby display filled with bags and bags of potato chips. In the center of the display, rising from the bags, was a promise to him that he could win a home entertainment center – an ultimate home entertainment center!

  A huge 3D-ready LED LCD TV, the latest 3D blu-ray player, a stereo with wattage that read like the specs of a military laser, non-faux-suede home theatre seating, speakers he could be buried in and a remote that, he had no doubt, could launch and land the space shuttle as well as make the Canadarm do high fives in space.

  His heart contributed to the excitement with one extra beat for the satellite sports package.

  All he had to do was text-to-win. He fumbled the phone from his pocket as he dutifully repeated the code and number, “Ultimate AV to chips. Ultimate AV to chips. Ultimate AV to chips.”

  He brought his phone to life and hit the text icon. Never had his fingers moved so quickly across the glass screen.

  Send. Entered.

  Yes. It was only a matter of time before they would be contacting him.

  He glanced once more at the display and noted the instruction to “enter every day.” He would be sure to come back tomorrow.

  Before he could place his phone back in his pocket, it buzzed.

  A message from his wife appeared across the screen. “Also need milk, cat litter and dog food.
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